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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22477267">When Doves Cry (Billy Hargrove.)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvangelineYourkex/pseuds/EvangelineYourkex'>EvangelineYourkex</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Neil Hargrove, Angst, Billy Hargrove &amp; Eleven | Jane Hopper Friendship, Billy Hargrove Needs Love, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Billy Hargrove Tries to Be a Better Person, Bisexual Billy Hargrove, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Child Abuse, Female Billy Hargrove, Genderswap, Here we go, I am also figuring this out whilst literally writing it, I am figuring this all out during a science lesson goddamn it, I love Robin Buckley, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Robin Buckley, Love Triangles, Multi, Neil Hargrove Being an Asshole, Neil Hargrove's A+ Parenting, Please Don't Hate Me, Wish me luck, dont kill me, female billy hargrove /male steve harrington, high key might do Billy / Robin because, i will probably update tags, im sorry, this is my first fic!, well because I ship my female billie with robin too oh no, well shit, welp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:07:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22477267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvangelineYourkex/pseuds/EvangelineYourkex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Billie never quite understood what she had done wrong. Maybe being a girl, rather than a masculine boy like Neil had wanted? Maybe looking too much like her mother? Maybe, just maybe, being born at all.<br/>Whatever the reason was didn't matter. Either way, all Billie knew is that Neil hated her- and maybe she hated herself too.<br/>Can anyone save Billie, or will Billie save herself?<br/>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>Basically, this is a whole gender swap Billy (now Billie,) Hargrove fic? Because?? I don't even know really?????<br/>I love reading Fan-Fiction so I was all like,,, why not write some of my own! So here I am.<br/>I am really new to writing anything like this, I mostly write poetry and original narratives so this is REALLY different, but I hope it isn't too bad.<br/>It'll probably take me a while to get into writing from Billies perspective, but hopefully I'll get used to it!!<br/>Any Critique is welcome!<br/>Here goes nothing.....</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Billy Hargrove &amp; Everyone, Billy Hargrove &amp; Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove &amp; Neil Hargrove, Billy Hargrove &amp; Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Eleven | Jane Hopper &amp; Billy Hargrove, Robin Buckley &amp; Billy Hargrove, Robin Buckley/Billy Hargrove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. An ocean of violets in bloom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Billie never quite understood what she had done wrong. Maybe being a girl, rather than a masculine boy like Neil had wanted? Maybe looking too much like her mother? Maybe, just maybe, being born at all.<br/>Whatever the reason was didn't matter. Either way, all Billie knew is that Neil hated her- and maybe she hated herself too.<br/>Will Billie save herself?<br/>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>I have decided that in this fic, Billie helps the party out at the Byers' house. Then she goes on as if nothing ever happened. The party are [rightfully] confused, but slowly warm up to the idea of Billie not being a terrible person.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*DISCLAIMER* When it comes to Billie's views on being weak, and her views on abuse etc, THAT ISN'T HOW I FEEL. As a survivor of abuse, I would never believe these things.<br/>Abuse doesn't make you weak.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Billie never quite understood what she had done wrong. Maybe being a girl, rather than a masculine boy like Neil had wanted? Maybe looking too much like her mother? Maybe, just maybe, being born at all.</p><p>Not that it really mattered, in the end. Whatever the reason for Neil's hatred was, it all leads to the same thing.<br/>
17 year old Billie Hargrove curled up on the floor after another one of her fathers ‘talks.’ </p><p>It all went in a blur, if she’s being honest. One minute she was getting ready to go out on a 'date', and the next she was pinned up against her cupboard- something to do with Maxine not being home, if she remembers correctly.<br/>
Somehow the fact that her fourteen year old sister doesn’t seem to know how to behave is her fault. As stupid as it may seem, she decided to argue back. Looking back, she knew it was a bad idea. He had been out all night with Susan, and she was still at her door, meaning that anything Billie did to ‘disrespect’ him would be equivalent to humiliating him, and Neil never did cope well with humiliation.<br/>
Something about being too much of a dyke to keep an eye on her sister, at this point she doesn't even know.<br/>
Any excuse to hurt her seems good enough.</p><p>Billie could probably count all of the mistakes that she made tonight; not that it would really matter now. It wasn't that bad, to be honest, just a slap and a couple of punches to the stomach, but enough for Susan to start yelling at him to stop. Not actually doing anything though, of course.<br/>
Sometimes Billie likes to think, 'what if this was your beloved Maxine? What would you do then?' Of course, the question is useless. Neil would never touch a hair on Maxine's pretty little head. Oh No! The horror of even thinking of such a thing! She is the golden child. The daughter Neil always wanted. An untouched, innocent girl.</p><p>Whatever. It isn't like Billie cares either way. Maxine hates her, and Billie is okay with that. In fact, she would be more scared if she didn't. The *only* thing keeping Max safe is Billie, despite the fact it may not seem like it. If she were to find out what Neil was really like? What happened when she wasn't in the house? If she was no longer oblivious to the evil that resides in the place that she lives? Billie doesn't even want to think about what might happen.<br/>
There is no way that she doesn't suspect anything, but as long as she excuses it as Billie simply being an asshole and annoying Neil to the point of no return, it is okay. </p><p>In the end, she wouldn't be wrong in thinking it is all Billie's fault.</p><p>She finally decides to pick herself up off the floor, and scarcely looks in the mirror, laughing as soon as she sees the state she is in. Her shoulder length blonde hair is falling limp around her neck, curls hiding most of her face, her cheek a crimson red.<br/>
She looks pitiful, and it isn’t exactly subtle. What would people think?<br/>
Picking up a hairbrush and an elastic band, Billie decides to put her hair in a thick plait, at least that way the messiness will look intentional. She figures that there isn’t any point in trying to cover up her cheek, it’s dark outside anyway, and the only person who she will see is Maxine, who won’t notice anyway.</p><p>Slowly opening her door, Billie makes her way downstairs and quietly outside, only able to breathe again once in her 1979 Chevy Camaro. She takes a minute to clear her head before reversing out of cherry lane and making her way to the only place she can think of; the infamous Karen Wheelers house.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>She may be relatively new to Hawkins, and maybe she makes constant digs about the fact that it smells like shit (which she still stands by to this day,) but one thing that she will never be able to deny is that she loves the fact that she can see the stars.</p><p>Something Billie had always loved, even as a kid, is astrology. Before her Mother left her, she would always watch the stars with her. Pointing out any constellations that they may find, and making up stories for each and every one.</p><p>Billie can never forgive her mother for leaving her alone with Neil, but she also can’t blame her. </p><p>The only thing that Billie wants more than Neil’s love, and genuine affection, is to see her Mother again. One day, she will.<br/>
One day. </p><p>So, here she is, parked outside of the Wheeler’s house, nearly done with a cigarette staring at the sky. She should be halfway to the Byers house by now, apparently, but she just wants a break from everything. From being stared at. Hated. Beaten. </p><p>She has had enough. </p><p>It is at this point that Billie Hargrove makes a decision. She will pick up Maxine, take her home, and then she is done with Neil’s shit.<br/>
He can yell at her, hell, he can beat her all that he wants, but she is done. </p><p>Neil Hargrove can officially suck Billie Hargrove’s ass.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Can you picture this?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Billie should’ve brought a coat, honestly. She keeps on forgetting that this isn’t California anymore, and she keeps on underestimating how fucking cold it gets in Hawkins. She’d read that the coldest month in Indiana was supposed to be January, but apparently this year October was giving it a run for its money.</p><p>Once she had parked in the Byers bungalow she decided to look in the mirror to see if her cheek had calmed down at all. On the one hand, it wasn’t red anymore, on the other hand, it had been replaced with an ugly purple bruise. Clearly Neil had hit a lot harder than she originally thought.</p><p>At this point, all she wanted to do was get this over with, so that is exactly what she did.</p><p>Hopping out of the car, making sure not to hunch over too much because of her aching stomach, she began to make her way to the front door. The first thing that she noticed was the size, it was considerably smaller than most of Maxine’s friends houses. The second thing she noticed was the Aura. Something here wasn’t quite… right? Although she was probably just imagining things. The third, and most interesting thing that Billie noticed was the one and only Steve Harrington looming outside the door, as if being an eighteen year old boy in a house full of fourteen year olds was normal. Then again, this is Hawkins, you never really know.</p><p>Billie yells the first thing that she can think to say, and inwardly cringes at the shakey delivery. </p><p>“Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?” A million thoughts go through her mind at this very moment, but the most prominent was her wonder of how this… boy, could be the one King Steve that everyone talks so much about. Sure, he’s kind of cute. Brown doe eyes and all, but he isn’t all that, not like everyone makes him out to be. To be completely honest, he seems kind of… Goofy?</p><p>In the moment, though, it didn’t really matter.</p><p>She didn’t realise that she had zoned out until she looked up and saw his questioning face looking down at her. </p><p>She couldn’t deal with this bullshit. All she could think about was getting home and sleeping. Jesus, she was so unimaginably tired. She turned to look at the house just in time to see some fiery red hair disappear below the window.<br/>
At this point she’d had enough, walking straight past Steve to the front door, until she felt an arm wrap around her stomach pulling her back. Due to a mix of pain from the bruises, and paranoia from past experience, she fell onto the floor and covered her face- not realising what she had done until she heard Steve talking to her. </p><p>“Woah, Dude. Chill out, I’m not going to do anything to you? Jesus.” He said, holding out a hand to help her up. How could he say it as if it was an obvious statement? As if no guy would ever hurt a seventeen year old girl. He couldn’t have been more wrong, or naive.</p><p>She was too tired for this. Too upset. Too annoyed.<br/>
“Look, Harrington. I don’t want any trouble. I don’t care if Max is out here having fun. In fact, I am happy that she is! What I am not happy about is that she snuck out of the house whilst under my care when she KNOWS what my old man is like.” She was really hoping that Steve couldn’t see the forming tears over her eyes as she slowly edged her way forwards. “So please, Steve, for the love of God just let me in. I am not going to do anything, or hurt anyone, I just NEED TO TALK TO MAX!”</p><p>Billie didn’t know that the walls were thin enough to hear through until she heard some arguing inside about whether or not she should be allowed in. Clearly the fact that they even debated it was enough for Steve, who signaled for her to follow him before going into the house.</p><p> </p><p>She would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel at least slightly creeped out by the place, but any fear was overtaken by the sense of intrigue that she felt deep down in her gut. Somehow she wasn’t exactly surprised that these are the kind of people that Max attracts, not that she can say anything. All of the people that she attracted consisted of stoners and bullies. If only she was so lucky. </p><p>Walking into the living room, Billie can’t help but feel jealous. Seeing Max surrounded by people who clearly genuinely care about her, making sure she is okay. Billie hadn’t seen anything like this in years. Not since her Mom left. Living with Neil made her forget what it felt like to love, and be loved. It made her forget what it felt like to be happy. She knows that it isn’t Maxine’s fault, not at all, but she can’t help feeling angry at the girl who Neil can love, and would never hurt. It isn’t fair.<br/>
None of it is fair.</p><p>“What the hell happened to your face, Billie??” she hears Max yell in what must be feigned concern, because she could never actually care… could she? Suddenly everyone, including Steve, was staring at her face, trying to calculate how she could’ve gotten a bruise in the three hours since she drove Maxine home from the arcade. </p><p>“Nothing, Maxine, I just,,,, walked into my door. Okay?? Now please can we go?” Billie tried to say this in her normal snarky tone, but the concerned looks on everyone's faces proved otherwise.  
She can feel them all looking at her, trying to figure out if there is some sort of trick. If only she had the energy.</p><p>She heard movement from somewhere to her left, turning just in time to see the black kid, Lucas, she thinks his name is, going to Maxine’s side.<br/>
“How come you haven’t threatened her because I’m here, huh? Last time I heard, you’re racist. Not gonna make some snarky comment about me being the ‘wrong kind of person?’”<br/>
If Billie was in a good mood she would probably be impressed. Kid has guts, but she isn’t in a good mood, so instead? She’s just defeated.</p><p>“Look, I am not fucking racist okay? Or homophobic, or misogynistic, or ANY of that shit. I just do what my Father tells me to do, and say what my Father tells me to say. You guys have NO IDEA what my life is like. Not even you, Maxine, and you live in the same fucking house as me. So please just… PLEASE can we go home?”<br/>
She knows that she sounds pathetic, but she doesn’t care anymore. How could she? She is relieved to see Max leave her little posse to drag her hand outside. The last thing that Billie does is hear Steve ask if he has a lighter. He won’t explain why but she didn’t exactly question it, throwing her final Zippo lighter at him before walking out into the car and driving Max, giving her a weak smile and ignoring her questioning stare. </p><p>The moment that she knew she was completely and utterly screwed, was the moment that she parked her car to see the lights were still on at 11pm.<br/>
She managed to get out a quiet, “Max, when we go in go straight upstairs and close your door.”  before desperately adding “Please” when Max tried to ask a question. </p><p>For once, she did as she was told. By the time Billie locked the front door behind her, she heard footsteps coming down the hall, she knew it would be a long night. She wasn’t wrong.</p>
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